"And then a hero comes along..."

Wow, it's been a month since my last post.  Thankfully, it's been a good month and I have lots of happy stuff to share, but first, I want everyone to listen to this for a moment:

Yes, I know it's old, but I hope you all stopped for a moment to actually listen to the words.  I had a different direction in mind for this post until I took some time to listen to this classic song again.  I finally realized this song is not about our traditional definition of a hero.  She is singing about becoming our own individual hero; one that doesn't have to rely on another person to find the strength to be amazing.  As I listened to the song, it really hit home with me.  The reason is not because of what I'm going through, but what someone I love very much is going through.  I won't name him here, but I hope if he reads this, he will understand.  He has spent some very rough years because he hasn't figured out that he has everything inside himself to become amazing.  He keeps reaching out to others to be what he has to be for himself.  I pray every day that he will stay safe until his hero comes along and his life blossoms.

What brought the hero topic to mind is because I recently posted a photo on Facebook of what I look like "uncovered".  My sister had been trying to convince me to display my bald head.  I did so and the response was humbling.  The love and support displayed made me feel, in part, like a fraud.  I didn't post the picture to be brave or courageous.  I don't feel like those adjectives really describe what is going on with me these days.  Thanks to those that came before me, my experience has been mostly uneventful.  To me, in this whole experience, the heroes are:

• The scientists and researchers who:
• developed the chemicals to attack this disease effectively with minimal side-effects
• discovered which supplementary drugs will help to minimize the side-effects that do exist
• discovered the correct dosing and timing so the chemotherapy is most effective
• developed and honed the technology to diagnose the disease so early
• The ladies that walked this path before me who:
• suffered through harsher side effects to get to the point of victory
• went through tests and trials to make the path easier for those of us that came after
• felt like they did all they could do and it still wasn't enough to keep them with their loved ones
• The friends and family who watched their loved one suffer and struggle, feeling completely helpless to do anything to make it go away.

My gratitude for their struggles and sacrifice will never be enough, but I give it anyway.  Because of you, I have the strength to keep moving through this process by putting one foot in front of the other each day.  I take things one day at a time and focus on what is right in front of me and take care of that.  Then I wake up each day and repeat the process.  This is why I'm still me, happy and upbeat most of the time.  Cancer didn't get the right to take away that part of me and that is why I posted the picture - to illustrate that while it can take my hair, it doesn't get to change who I am at my very center.

In keeping with this theme, I did pick a wig.  The winner was Wig 2 in the previous post, just in a different color.  I know a bunch of people really liked Wig 1, but my budget didn't like that one and the advice I was getting from other ladies that have faced this choice is that it wasn't one I would reach for day in and day out.

However, it makes my head itch, so I don't wear it around the house or sometimes when I'm out running errands.  My go-to comfort is something I discovered by accident.  I was looking for something to sleep in at night that would keep my head warm and saw this at Walgreens when I was picking up a prescription: Heat Holders Ladies Hat.  I put that on and it was so comfy and warm!  I went to the website and bought several more in additional colors.

Yes, this is also my lumberjack look (thanks Dr. Church). 

Okay, so in my last post, I was bummed because I didn't get to see Star Wars on opening night with my friends.  This is something that still has not be taken care of, but it is doable now.  You see, what I know now that I didn't know then is that there are really two values my oncologist is looking at in regard to my white blood cells: the actual number of white blood cells and the number of a specific type of white blood cell called neutrophils.  It turns out, my neutrophils hit zero.  My body was a walking advertisement for germs to jump into and wreak havoc.  I went back in on the following Monday and they weren't much better, having only reached 100.  For reference, in a healthy person, the recommended range is 2,000 - 8,000.

We gave it one more shot and checked them again the morning of Christmas Eve.  I was preparing myself that I would be spending the next day only getting to talk to family and friends via phone.  Fortunately, that Thursday morning showed my counts had rebounded nicely and I was up to 1,200. Woohoo!!  No more antibiotic and no more being confined to the house (unless I wanted to wear the horribly uncomfortable mask when venturing out).  By the time Wednesday of the next week came around and it was time for treatment 2, I was back up in normal range so we were good to go for the next treatment.

We made one change for this next treatment (which I had 12/29).  For this and the next two remaining treatments, I began receiving a shot of Neulasta.  This shot is doing its job well.  I went in on 1/6 for my day 8 blood work and my neutrophil count was 700.  Certainly still low, but hey, I am receiving chemo, right?  But this number is an acceptable low.  My doctor told me that the threshold they look at for being at extreme risk is 500 and below.  So Yay!!  He said as long as I was careful to avoid crowds and used my hand sanitizer, etc. I could return to the office to work.  For all but a couple of days for several weeks, I've been working from home.  First, it was because I was recovering from surgery and then it was because of my risk of infection.  I work with some fabulous people who are just a hoot to work with.  I missed them!  It wasn't the same connecting remotely.  I am so thankful and blessed that I've been able to do so, but working from home is not my first preference.  As I told someone today, "Don't take people away from a people person!"  My doctor said by the time I go in next week for my day 15 blood work, those counts should be back up to good levels since the Neulasta shot would really be kicking in over these next few days.  The other good news is that since I am responding so well with the Neulasta, we will forego the day 8 blood work for the remaining 2 treatments.

Slowly, but surely, I'm getting my life back!  I continue to have (what seem like to me) minimal side-effects.  As I describe it when someone asks, I have a few days that aren't my best (polite description), most of my days I feel fine (these days usually have some very minor side-effects that really have no huge impact on how I feel), and I even have some days where I feel great.  But honestly, isn't this how life goes?

As always, thank you to every one of you that has taken a moment to cast your thoughtful concern and prayers in my direction.  It has truly helped make this journey more bearable!